Stoic Philosophy, Momentous Life Events and Rozanne Arrives in my Life.
- 3 days ago
- 8 min read
My son Selby gave me a gift in the form of a book with 366 quotes from the Stoics about their philosophy in leading life, and which, amongst other things, importantly tells you that to lead a happy life, you must take responsibility for what you can control and not concern yourself with those which you cannot. I am reading it now for the second time, and, if I am honest, do not recall much of it, nor have I made an effort to heed some of their advice. It has been a wonderful tool during my health issues, where you have little control over events and have to rely on those with a better knowledge of dealing with it than you. That allows you to keep your head away from the ‘What ifs? Could have. And should have.’ Over time, I have learned ‘What if?’ is the most useless question as it refers to the past and any answers to all our ‘What ifs’ do not change our present circumstances. The only question worse than ‘What if’ is ‘Why me?’ I may have at times thought briefly why I got two cancers, but not ‘Why me?’ While the Stoics and their meditations offer good guidelines for leading your life, I find that those around you can also set splendid examples. I have often mentioned Ian Lindsay, a friend and my one-time general manager on the farms, who, about the time I was first diagnosed with prostate cancer, was diagnosed with a very dangerous, probably terminal brain cancer and given only about six months to live. Yet, as his good wife Daphne informs us on his birthday this past week, he continues to lead a normal life ten years later and plans to continue to do so. I am sure Ian never once said, 'Why me?' So my advice is to accept what you cannot control and get on with what you can. My biggest challenge lately has been my fight with my inherent grumpiness, but I still look forward to what lies ahead. In fact, just this week I was planting some perennials in the garden, and thinking about how they will look next year.
You have been formed of three parts-body, breathe and mind. Of these,the first two are yours insofar as they are in your care, the third alone is truly yours." - Marcus aAurelius
In other words, your body can be abused by others, even your breath can be taken by them, but your mind remains yours until you die.
Reflecting on what the Stoics have written, or have been attributed with writing, made me think about the events in my life that were momentous in one way or another, sometimes only recognising this retrospectively. Some were affected by my decisions, many by the hand of others, perhaps fate, but I am not a great believer in fate; I think life is more about chance, and sometimes you have to take chances for fulfilment. Fate by name suggests you may not be responsible for the situation, rather than for anything you have done. It is used conveniently to remove responsibility, especially if things go wrong or not your way. It also struck me that the actual trigger of a subsequent, much more momentous event is not always recognised at the time. So I decided to review those in my life; there may be others that slip my mind at present, but bear with me while I give it my best shot at recall. I write these blogs without extensive pre-research; I rely on friends for dates, which are hard to recall, while actually writing. So the writing itself is very spontaneous, as much of my life has been.
“Reflecting on the past is never quite as fulfilling as planning for the future.” - Peter McSporran
The first momentous event was the death of my mother, although only later in life would I identify it as such, at the time being too young. I do not know what effect her death has had on my character. I say this as nowadays therapists say the early death of a parent or a loved one, or even being a middle child, can affect your character. What I do know is that her death brought about my father’s remarriage, and with that, my premature leaving of the family home at a very early age. That I did regret at the time, but with hindsight, it was probably for the best. But it also gave me the courage to travel, meet people, and learn to fit in across the social structures, despite the sometimes unfriendly environment, such as a private boys-only boarding school. This led to the merchant navy, as my step-mother was adamant I should not be a farmer, which allowed me to visit much of East Africa and gain my love for that continent. My return to agricultural college was with the thought that once I had earned a diploma, I would return to that continent. While I hated school, I really enjoyed my time at college, that is, on the days I was sober enough to do so.
“The earlier you start planning and enacting actions to achieve your life’s goals, the more chance you have of achieving them.” - Peter McSporran
Then my father fell ill and could not attend my sister Morag’s wedding to Lindsay Ross in the then Rhodesia and when offered the opportunity to take his place, I grabbed it. This was the most momentous event in my life. That was the foundation of everything that followed in my life in Africa. What was unplanned and had a major effect on my outlook and philosophy of life was being called up for a year's National Service in the Rhodesian Army just as the bush war was heating up, and the many call-ups that followed, continuing right up until Zimbabwe’s Independence in 1980. In the army, I learnt to take orders from people I deemed much less intelligent than me; they must have been really stupid, but who had special skills. As a sergeant platoon commander, it also taught me to deal with people, being territorials most had no wish to be where they were. I learnt not only to lead them but also how to convince them that you were right in your decision and to express your confidence in it. After all, their lives could rely on these decisions, your leadership. Great lessons which you never come across in any other walk of life.
The next event was my marriage to my first wife, which led us to lease a farm from her father, then buy it, and eventually have two lovely daughters. My first wife was a very good wife and mother, and the children she gave me were a very special gift. It is sad that not all parent-child relationships are good. I am glad that I do not have that problem and appreciate their continued love and support.
Farming allowed me to live my life’s dream and, surprisingly, led to my involvement in farming politics in a number of roles and eventually became the President of the Commercial Farmers' Union (CFU). Was it just luck that I led the CFU through a very prosperous time and seemed to be managing the land issue? It was excellent training for my future dealings with Governments, financial institutions, and bureaucrats. The events that followed a few years later, including the violent confiscation of the land, were beyond the CFU's control or influence. We can argue how it was managed, but Mugabe was going to do what he did, whoever was in the CFU leadership. It should not have been so complicit on the part of some leadership, but certainly not all.
The next event was losing our farms and deciding to move to Zambia, and to help others join me. It would allow a farmer to start again in his fifties. At the time, I was an avowed ‘born again bachelor,’ but perhaps I was feeling lonely, and that is when Rozanne found a place in my life, or should I say demanded it. As I said in a previous blog, I renewed my friendship with Rozanne after meeting her at the Great Wall Chinese restaurant on a trip back to Harare, and we agreed to keep in touch, but we initially failed to do so. I returned to Zambia, and, one way or another, we both failed to keep in touch due to a communication mix-up. I couldn't reach her from Zambia, and she only had my Zimbabwe number. Three weeks later, when I returned to Harare, I called on her, much to her surprise, since she had thought I was ignoring her calls. She informed me she was out on a date. I said I was sorry to hear that and apologised for my silence, saying if she was free later, she could join the Nicholls and me at Kevin and Linda O’Toole’s house in Chisipite, where I was having dinner. Much to my surprise, she arrived late that night, and that was it, and we saw each other a couple of times on that trip. About two weeks later, I organised a lift with Jeremy Webster for her to come up to Zambia for a long weekend, where, out of the blue, she asked me to marry her, and whether sober or drunk, I agreed. A spontaneous decision, which I must admit I wondered if I would regret, but as I agreed, I would stick with my answer. She said, as she had asked me, that I must now organise the wedding, so we agreed to have a two-day pre-wedding honeymoon at Spurwing Island on Kariba on our return trip to Zimbabwe. Lo and behold, who should be there? Two good friends of mine, John Meikle and David Irvine, with whom I had recently been working, in trying to get the Government to see sense in regard to the land invasions. It goes without saying that we had failed. Anyway, over a whisky that night, I admitted that Rozanne and I were getting married, a shock to them and their respective wives, Fiona and Barbara, and immediately got down to celebrating. Not before taking the boat out to inform my daughters, Storm and Janine, of the turn of events. At the time, they were filled with trepidation, but now Rozanne and they are the very best of friends and happy to have a brother.
Back in Harare, I tried in vain to find a gap in the marriage office schedule at the Magistrate Courts, but I did find one magistrate who, for a fee, would be happy to marry us within the next few days at home.
“Africa, despite all its challenges, has one unique attribute: that is, nothing is impossible.” - Peter McSporran
I wanted to do this quickly as I was returning to Zambia, and on the 5th of August 2002, after a three-week romance, we married at Sally Sandeman’s house in Avondale. We had invited two witnesses: Rozanne invited Leslie Duncan with her husband, Rob, and I invited Lee Vermaak and her husband, Phil. As the news leaked, we had not even invited Rozanne’s folks, Shirley and Bob Cary, but they, along with about 14 other friends, gatecrashed the event, requiring a major resupply of whisky later in the evening. A few weeks later, Rozanne was to join me in Zambia, and I can safely say that quick, spontaneous, crazy decision, to say the least, was personally the best decision I have made in my life. She did come with her son, Selby, who is now my son and a very important component of our enlarged family. Against all odds, my travels, my bad behaviour, my depression, my illness, my desperation to succeed, she has stuck with me and added great strength when I most needed it. I will never be able to repay her for asking me to marry her.
Disclaimer: Copyright Peter McSporran. The content in this blog represents my personal views and does not reflect corporate entities.
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